Just Be

Thanks to mother nature, I've now been stuck inside the house 2 days.  It snowed again through the night and I think the total accumulation is around 26 inches now!  Since I also took the day off of school on Thursday to get myself over a mega-cold, it'd be a lie if I didn't say that I'm dying from having to be cooped up for so long.  I did attempt to venture out to see a movie last night and ended up getting stuck in the driveway on the way back...should've learned my lesson on that one the first 4 times that happened to me! So, today I'm just going to accept the fact that I am being forced to remain inside and use this time to just be.

Living in and growing up with an active, competitive family has sort of ingrained in me the need to constantly be busy.  We used to run from baseball practice to girl scouts, from ice skating lessons to soccer tournaments, from after-school musicals to CCD classes. (if you're catholic, you know all about those!)  Bless my mother for all the miles and hours that she spent in the car carting us around.  We were busy...that's the way we lived.  Sure, we made time for God on Sundays and during dinner prayers (on the rare occasion that we all were able to sit together for a meal), but we didn't have TIME to stop and realize that life was passing us by and we weren't really experiencing it in the way we should. 

Being part of a football family also causes you to constantly be looking for what's next.  There's no time to focus on the here-and-now and enjoy it.  There's always another game, or another connection to be made for another job promotion.  There's the next family move to the next city, the next season schedule, the next round of players, the next set of downs if the last one didn't turn out so hot, and who needs tickets to the next game.  There's no TIME to just enjoy the current moment with the current team and to realize all the greatness God has brought to our lives.  Throughout the years, we ended up forgetting that there were 7 days in every week- we lived for Saturdays when I was young and Sundays when I was older.  Every game of the season could determine if we'd remain in our home the following year or be forced to uproot our lives to yet another city.  We stopped experiencing all the goodness that fell between the games.

Now that I'm older, I realize that I'm falling into the same pattern.  Up until this year, I worked two jobs- one as a full-time teacher, and one as a part-time poms coach.  I ran everyday from work to practice and I lived my life focusing on practices, games, competitions, and pep-rallies.  I loved every minute of coaching but I had little, if no TIME to just be and to enjoy the ride.  I couldn't even enjoy the moment through 2 State championships and top 20 finishes at nationals- I was constantly thinking about the next year, the next dance, the next big move, the next team.  Once we received the devastating news last June that my dad wouldn't make it through the year, I chose to give up the hustle-and-bustle of life and left coaching in order to have more TIME.  But, true to form, I filled the empty moments with more stuff.  I went to dinners, drinks, and happy hour with friends.  I bought season tickets to the theatre.  I saw movies and went to the gym.  A great guy I know that got free tickets to every sporting event in town spent several nights with me at the Pepsi Center.  I started a non-profit with my family.  I should have realized that I had fallen back into my typical pattern of being constantly busy and looking for the next big thing when I couldn't even focus on a conversation with someone because my mind was going 1,000,000 miles an hour making to-do lists and planning.  

The one thing that this snow storm has made me do is stop and just be.  God has a funny way of showing us when we are moving too fast, cruising through life without looking at all the good we have, not living in the moment, and forgetting about what's important.  He often forces us to be still and to reconnect with ourselves, and HIM.  Reflecting on how I've literally run through my life so far has made me realize how important it is to just slow down and enjoy the ride.  The great experiences and milestones that will come next in life will come through faith and trust that today HE is preparing me for tomorrow's gifts.  Learning to be still means realizing that I don't have to be moving and busy all the time.  By taking a deep breath and just taking a second to be, I will learn to find happiness in the moment instead of waiting for it to come later on.  And today, on this crazy winter day, without television to entertain me, will be the first day of my life that I make an effort and take TIME to just be. 

New Year, New Me

Yet another year has arrived.  I can't believe how quickly time flies as I get older.  Last year we began 2011 with the hopes of miracles that never came.  As the year wound down, I found myself evaluating my life and searching, as many do, for a resolution that will help change things for the better during 2012.  Last year, I found myself needing some more "me" time so my official resolution was to read 2 books a month.  I signed up for Shelfari to track my reading selections and spent my salary on several books throughout the year, both "real" ones and electronic ones for my iPad (obsessed!)  I easily met my goal of reading 24 books during the year and was able to get lost in some really great stories in the meantime...

But, as it was, life hit us square in the face and required a few more changes and a focus on life that far exceeded a commitment to read a book or two.  Watching someone you love dearly fade away while fighting a disease that took over their body will make you reevaluate everything you do in life;  I gladly followed suit when my family chose to begin researching ways to prevent cancer.  I changed my diet, my outlook on life, my priorities- even the water that I drink.  Once you begin reading about all the stuff that is put in our food and how it effects our bodies, it's like a snowball...you just can't help but change every aspect of your life.  So, a year later, I guess I've changed a lot more than just my reading habits.

With the official beginning of our Foundation, I felt that I could do more this year than just reading a few stories.  Since we are going to be trying to teach others about the dangers of certain foods, I felt that it was about time for me to put my money where my mouth is and really jump feet first into healthy living.  30 pounds have been following me around in very unattractive spots on my body for about 10 years now.  All of the shots I took and the late-night Taco Bell runs finally caught up with me once I joined the working world...and I've been trying to lose them ever since.  I have tried pretty much EVERY diet known to man.  You name it, I've failed at it.  Weight Watchers, Slimgenics, Nutrasystem, personal trainers, SlimQuick pills, Hydroxycut...EVERYTHING!  I either get frustrated after not losing enough weight and give up or I get so starving that I see stars and can't stand another minute without "good" foods.  Well, I guess my new year's resolution for 2012 is to put an end to that cycle, stop making excuses, and finally do what I know it takes to be healthy.

I started Maximized Living boot camp last Friday.  A coworker of mine (thanks Lindsay) had lost 30 pounds through the same boot camp last year and has raved about the program so much that she finally sold me on it!  Little did I know that meeting Dr. Joe would be the ultimate kick-in-the-butt that I needed to put into action all the research that I had been doing about preventing cancer.  This program is about more than just losing weight, it's about completely changing your lifestyle- mind and body to live a healthy life.  Dr. Joe and this program just fit in so well with everything we believe.  He even has a Kangen water machine (magic water!) for his office and patients to use- I heard that and knew that I was in good hands!  I weighed in on Friday and was honestly shocked at how much I had let myself get up to; I was the heaviest I had EVER been.  It wasn't shocking since I've always been an emotional eater and I've had more than my fair share of emotion in the last 5 months but there was no excuse for the weight I was.  Right then, I chose to do something for myself for once in my life and 4 days later, after my first weigh-in, I'm down 5 pounds, full of energy, and so excited about confronting my weight and getting rid of it!  Instead of making excuses, I'm changing my life for the better and making 2012 the HEALTHIEST year of my life!  How's that for a resolution? :-)

We're Official!

Our first Christmas gift was delivered to us on December 22 in the form of an official Incorporation certificate from the state of Tennessee!  We popped a bottle of champagne and celebrated The Heimerdinger Foundation's official beginning!

This foundation has been a complete labor of love for all of us; sometimes requiring a little more labor than love.  When starting on this journey to bring information to others about cancer treatment options and healthy eating, we had no idea that it would be so much work!  Rather than donate to another foundation and let them decide where the money goes, we chose to open our own- and The Heimerdinger Foundation was born.  With our trusty board of directors, we have shed some tears, had plenty of laughs (Dinger Doodle Dandy) and have accomplished so much more in one month than we ever expected to!  We even had our first application for an intern :-)


There is still much work to be done and the ideas keep rolling out every day.  Our next focus will be to get the Drive for Dinger off the ground by June 29th.  As our first official fund raiser, we have no idea what to expect but, with my dad looking on with us as we take this journey, it's sure to be a success!

Presents vs. Presence

Well, I've officially decided that holidays suck without my family being in tact.  I'm told that it'll get easier and my mom says we need to make new memories and new traditions.  Not gonna lie, I'm sort of partial to my old memories and my old traditions!  I have gotten used to scheduling our Christmas celebrations around football season (along with everything else in our lives) so being able to actually open presents and go to church when "normal" people do was a little odd.  After eating a Tofurky last year for Christmas dinner since my dad had started chemo and couldn't eat meat, this year's buffalo roast was so much yummier!  But, the biggest change this year has been the lack of presents under the tree. 

Tim and I after church on Christmas Eve

Although my mom still insists on wrapping gifts in "Santa" paper and telling us that he has come to deliver presents, "Santa" officially stopped coming to our house a long time ago.  This year he randomly came on Christmas eve morning :-)  In the past, we would get a few great gifts and lots of money to go out and get other ones of our choosing.  This year, we have realized that the meaning of the season is not what gifts you get but what gifts you give to others in the form of your presence in their lives.  We would give any amount of money or material possessions to have even one more day with my dad in our lives so it seems a little silly to spend money on gifts that'll be out of style in a month when we should be thanking God for sending his Son to us and allowing us to have the celebration of Christmas to begin with.  So, this year, we have made it a point to celebrate with presence rather than presents.  Here are some of the ways we celebrated all the blessings in our lives: 


**Spending Thanksgiving with the Baker family- We started the holiday season by driving from Nashville to Massanutten, Virginia to join the Baker family for Thanksgiving.  We rented some little town houses and enjoyed catching up with my mom's brother and sister and all of their kids.  It was the first time in as long as I can remember, if ever, that all of our family on this side was together (minus cousin Christina- missed you!)  Thank you Kevin for fixing my blog and making it look pretty again!  With my grandfather suffering from dementia and getting up in age, we figured that spending time with him and the family was more important than anything else...Hopefully we can get together more often and see everyone again before too long!

My winning cookies!

**Cookie Exchange- I thought I'd steal a page from fellow blogger TickedPink's book and host a cookie exchange for all my girl friends to get together before the holidays.  It is a rare day that we can all get together without kids and husbands/boyfriends to just have a little girl talk and enjoy each other's company!  We had such a great time catching up, talking about all the babies that are coming our way this year, & eating lots and lots of cookies.  Thank goodness Sarah fired me from making my own 6 dozen cookies- outsourcing helped me win the prize for "best overall cookie!"




**Parade of Lights- It's been at least 10 years since I've made my way downtown to enjoy the parade of lights.  I have a certain love for Christmas lights and fireworks...they just make everything look so much more beautiful!  Pair that with our amazing downtown area, and it made for a wonderful date night for Tim and I!  The parade wasn't as amazing as the Macy's one in New York (maybe I'll go see that next year!) but we had a great time all the same.

**Holiday Parties- Taking time to catch up with co-workers at our annual Christmas party was such a blessing.  With the school that I work for, we have 50 school sites under our charter and all my friends and I have multiple locations assigned to us.  We travel hundreds of miles every month to our schools and, with all that time in the car, rarely get time to catch up with each other.  For our celebration this year, we made snowmen and then came to the office to a casino-themed party.  I walked in with such a terrible attitude; not excited at all about the "mandatory" holiday party but ended up having a wonderful time learning how to play Blackjack and laughing with my colleagues.  I loved it so much that I think I'll be throwing my own casino party this summer! 
We also took time out to go to Comedy Works with Tim's new job to see Kathleen Madigan.  She was so ridiculously funny and I had a great time getting to put faces with the names and stories that Tim has shared with me about his new job. 


**Transiberian Orchestra- I thought that going to see Transiberian Orchestra would be the perfect Christmas outing for my family and Tim to celebrate after the holidays.  Since I purchased 5 tickets for us, we asked Tim's mom to come along with us in my dad's place.  What we expected to be a relaxing show full of traditional Christmas songs with a twist, turned out to be, "a cross between Metallica and Christmas" (according to Tim).  After 2 hours of electric guitars, flashing strobe lights, and 80's hair flips, we walked out of the Pepsi Center feeling like we needed to fight someone.  Not exactly the relaxing Christmas evening we had expected.  Thank you Josh Groban for providing some real Christmas music during the car ride home and allowing us to relax.  I think I'll stick to Handel's Messiah next year. :-) 

**Cousin's Ski Weekend- One of the best memories of this season has to be the cousin's ski weekend that we organized.  All of my dad's side of the family lives in the Chicago area and we rarely get to see them more than once a year when we head up there for the Brown Family Reunion.  It's so much fun to get together with the family now that most of my 15 cousins are getting into their adult years.  No more kid's table for us!  Several of the cousins made the trek from Chicago to come visit us here in Colorado and we had an absolute BLAST together for three days!  The weekend was just 100% relaxing and fun, complete with spa day for the girls, a day of skiing with beautiful 40-degree weather, more alcohol and food than we could consume in a week, and memories that will last forever!  Although one cousin ended up in the hospital for altitude sickness (that thin air is rough), we decided that we are going to make this an annual event!  Can't wait for next year!!

Skiing at Breck

Spa day with the girls!

**Family is Home!- The best Christmas gift that I could ask for came to Denver on the 14th.  Having mom and Brian back home with me has been wonderful (minus all the unpacking that we're having to do!)  We have spent lots of nights watching movies, putting together puzzles, and just enjoying each other's company.  SO glad to have them back home with me!

I think I could get used to spending more time over the holidays enjoying the company of family and friends than in the malls searching for the perfect gift for them.
Hope that you all had blessed Christmas celebrations!!!  Happy Holidays!:-)

Gang's all Here!

I feel like it's been forever since I've spent an entire weekend at home just catching up on life (and updating my blog).  True to form we have been going, going, going since getting home in October and haven't slowed down yet. The weekend before Thanksgiving was no exception.  We took off on Friday to go to Arizona for the long-awaited visit with my college friends and some of Tim's high school buddies that recently moved to the Valley.

I've written about my favorite Arizona people before but it's worth mentioning again how blessed I feel to have these girls in my life!  They have all been like the sisters that I never biologically had- fights, tears, laughs, and memories included!  We all met in college through our sorority, Theta (except Lisa, our honorary Theta) and have stayed in touch over 9 years...has it REALLY been that long?!?  When I moved back to Denver almost 6 years ago, it broke my heart to leave them and all the fun we had but life goes on and thankfully, we're all still visiting each other and staying in touch!  It's been over a year since we've all been together and in that time 2 girls got married, one had a baby, another got pregnant, one moved to Australia, and I, obviously suffered a severe loss.  I hadn't been able to get hugs from everyone since my dad passed and I was needing to see the people that always know how to make me laugh and get my mind off of everything that's going on.  We had an absolute blast during our visit- I just wish we would have been able to stay a bit longer :-(

We began the weekend with a much-needed Oregano's dinner at Meg's house.  I loved this amazing Italian restaurant when I lived in Phoenix and now have to eat it every time I get back in town.  I was so depressed to hear that they stopped making my Big Ol Ravioli but settled for another amazing pasta dish.  Really, you can't go wrong with anything there!  I finally got to meet baby Aubrey (she's absolutely adorable) and got to catch up for a few hours with the girls before heading off to sleep.

On Saturday we met up with Tim's friends Grant and Jessica who just recently got married and moved to Phoenix.  We ate at Herb Box, a wonderful little bistro in Scottsdale.  Then we picked up another amazing college friend of mine, Erin, and headed to ASU to cheer on our Devils against U of A.  The game started late so we were able to tailgate for a few (actually 4 hours) before it started.  I tried to channel my inner college girl but ended up wanting to fall asleep by half time.  I just can't drink like I used to :-( but we had so much fun.  I got to meet Kate's husband Chris for the first time and help teach him a little about our American football since he is from Australia.  Alas, the Devils lost to our rivals but we had a great time anyway!

Sunday was the big celebration for baby Charlotte and Meg!  Mandy did a fabulous job of setting up a milk and cookies themed party- so creative!  Meg was showered by gifts and I won a cute cookie mix prize for correctly guessing how big baby Charlie has grown!  Again, so fun to just be with the girls and get to catch up!    
It was time to get back on the plane and head back to Colorado sooner than I was ready to go.  Hopefully it won't be another year until we can all get together again!

Lisa, Kate, Ang and Aubs, Meg, Mandy, Rachel, me and Sarah!

Cancer Reality Check

I never realized how wide-spread and far-reaching cancer was until this past year brought it to the fore-front of my life.  My aunt passed away from breast cancer in the spring.  Tim's mom was diagnosed 1 week after my dad was.  Two of the parents that I had worked with in the past have been hit with a diagnosis within the last year.  One of my friends even had to put her dog down recently after it had suffered from the disease.  It seems like every time I turn around lately, someone that have been in contact with, or love dearly is having to deal with their lives being turned upside down by one little word- cancer.

Cancer is a mysterious disease to me.  I know that it is expected to effect 1.5 million new people just this year.  More and more patients are being diagnosed every day which also means that more and more patients are dying from cancer (about 1,500 A DAY).  People are walking as we speak in breast cancer 3 days, racing (or sleeping in) for the cure, buying products that support Live Strong or anything pink for breast cancer research, and donating exorbitant amounts of money to foundations to find an escape from this terrible disease.  And yet, we can't find a cure.  We know what causes it and some things that fight it.  We know how to treat it once you have it, and how to support others that get it.  We are searching, supporting, praying, racing, donating, and HOPING...But we can't find a cure.

I said a while back that once we got past the beginning stages of healing, I would begin writing about some of the solutions we explored throughout  our journey with cancer.  We learned many things from all of our readings and from talking to the many people that have touched our lives with stories similar to our own.  I can't say that I've been a perfect saint as far as changing my lifestyle, but I have definitely opened my eyes to the dangers of certain foods!  We can't find a cure yet and I don't know for sure if I can undo 29 years worth of damage that I may have been doing to my body but I'm sure as heck going to give it a shot!  I want to be around when I'm 80...don't  you?!?

One of the main things that we learned was how much crap we subject our systems to every day that our bodies just can't handle.  We weren't meant to eat artificial products made in factories- we were meant to eat foods that exist naturally on the Earth that have been used for thousands of years.  A good rule of thumb is: if you can't pronounce the name of the ingredients in the food, you probably shouldn't be eating it!  So, before I head off to hopefully get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight, I leave you with a few things that we have learned should be avoided...have fun purging the cancer-causers from your refrigerator and pantry!  I know that I felt a little more in control of this disease that has taken over my life after throwing a ton of unhealthy items into the trash to make room for those foods that will keep my body running for many, many years to come!

1. Avoid ANY items with additives such as aspartame or sorbitol.  As a lifetime dieter, I was surprised to find how many products I had in my refrigerator that I thought were helping me keep off the pounds when in reality they contained a carcinogen (aspartame) that turns into menthol, which turns into formaldehyde when in your body and gives your system all sorts of fits in trying to get rid of it.  Diet pop and anything that has reduced calories are no-nos.  Also avoid those little pink (artificial, chemical based), yellow (artificial, chlorine added), and blue (aspartame, artificial, chemical based) packets at the dinner table.  If you need to add sweetner to something, use    Stevia.  It's all natural, calorie free, and is actually sweeter than white table sugar. 

2. Sugar- both white and brown.  Since brown sugar is really just white sugar with molasses added to it, it's not any healthier for you than the white stuff.  Cancer feeds off of sugar.  We don't want to FEED cancer, we want to kill it!  I was shocked to see how much sugar I was consuming every day: yogurt, even the vanilla one I thought was healthy had over 10mg, the light dressing I was using on my salads had 16g per serving, my jelly had 11g, and a small bottle of apple juice had 25g!!!  I don't even want to think about how many sugar grams were in my morning Starbucks!  With 24g of sugar being the recommended amount for women per day,  (American Heart Association) I was most likely consuming double or triple that amount and not even realizing it.  And companies are smart with how they hide added sugar in our foods.   They don't make it simple for us by putting "sugar" on the label; they disguise it under names like high fructose corn syrup, sucrose, fructose, maltose (actually, anything with -ose), and maltodextrin.  You can't avoid sugar all together but you can try to limit the amount that you take in by really reading those labels and taking control of what goes in your body!

3. Fried foods contain hydrogenated oils, trans-fats, and acrylamide which is a by-product of the deep frying process.  Acrylamide is a known cancer-causer, and adversely effects both the brain and the reproductive system.  Not good.  I'm slightly partial to my reproductive system since I'm hoping to have a family of my own one day!  Plus, fried foods make you gain weight.  Also not good. 

So there's my input for the night (my apologies for the length of the post).    It wasn't a surprise to me to find out that the above items were carcinogens and unhealthy for me.  What shocked me was how prevalent they are in our diets and in the products that we buy.  Like I said, it really opened my eyes and caused me to look at the foods I put into my body just a bit differently.

Friday at Home

I officially know that I'm out of the 20-something going-out stage when I'm home on a Friday night and the most exciting thing that I can think of to do is update the look of my blog (not very well, obviously, since nothing is centered) and write a new post.  I did begin the night by spending a few wonderful hours catching up with Courtney, my best friend, and eating everything on the P.F. Changs menu.  I mean, she is eating for two (oops...cat out of the bag!) and I had to keep up ;-)  Then we went to the new H&M and checked out all the great clothes they had to offer.  I ended up spending over $200.  In a store that is well known for it's cheap but stylish clothing, I am convinced that I picked out the most expensive item in there- an $80 winter coat.  It was so cute though that it was worth it and it was so much fun to catch up with my good friend!

Everyone has been asking how I've been doing lately.  My new answer is, "I'm coping".  If I said I was ok, I'd be lying and if I really told people how I've been feeling, the answer would be much longer and more involved than they would have time for or even care to listen to.  So, coping it is.  It's so weird to me that I'll be in the middle of doing mundane, every day activities and the tears will just start to flow.  Can't listen to country songs for fear that a Kenny Chesney song will remind me of the last birthday I was able to celebrate with him.  Can't watch football because knowing that I won't see him calling plays on the sideline is just too much to handle.  I moved his golf clubs out of my garage the other day so that I wouldn't have to see them every morning that I walked to my car.  And, thank goodness my mom hasn't yet turned his phone off- I call it regularly just to hear him when the voice mail picks up.  I feel like I've been walking around like half a person- in zombie mode- just trying to get through the day.  After over a month, I feel like any normal person would be starting to get back to life by now...but I guess everyone heals differently and at different paces.  

The girls at Rachel's wedding

To give me something positive and happy to look forward to, I'm currently counting down the days until I'm reunited with my best friends from college (only 5 to go!!).  Spending time with them will be just what the doctor ordered after a few tough weeks and I can't wait to see them, cheer on our Devils on Saturday, meet baby Aubrey, eat some Oreganos, and just relax!  If there's one thing that I learned from my father, it was to never make yourself so busy that you can't make time for people that matter.  Despite his 100+ hour work weeks, he always made time for us kids, for my mom, and for weekly Monday phone calls with his dad.  I have been very lucky to have a group of friends that have been able to stay close throughout the last 7ish years although we are spread all over the world (literally.... Kate left us for Australia!) and don't get to see each other often.  We have supported each other through some great times and some really tough ones and have outlasted every disagreement along the way!  I am blessed to have such wonderful friends and the time and the means to be able to travel to see them next weekend!


Happy weekend everyone! :-)