Let the Healing Begin

It's been a week now since my dad passed away.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long.  I can still remember every single detail of what happened a week ago just like it was yesterday.  It plays over and over like a movie in my head every time I try to fall asleep, every time I wake up, every time I do anything that reminds me of time spent with him (which is everything here in Nashville).

We have been trying to start the healing process.  It's coming along very, very slowly.  Our minds just seem to be somewhere else right now, evidenced by the times we have left the car running in the parking lot while heading into a building, forgotten to do things that needed to be done, and "lost" items that are right in front of us (or, in the case of my mother's glasses, right on your head).  It's a process to get back to "normal" life and I know it's going to take a while but we are doing the best we can one day at a time.

So far we have done our share of crying, being angry, wondering "why", and laughing at the good times.  A few things have helped us take the first baby step:

Music- for the celebration of life we are holding, we had to choose a playlist of songs to coordinate with a slideshow of pictures of my dad that will be playing.  Remembering the smile that would come across his face when listening to Alan Jackson, The Temptations, James Taylor, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, and Kenny Chesney helped us feel like he was right there with us and brought back wonderful memories of summer nights spent on the back porch of our house in Colorado or car trips with music blasting and us singing (or screaming) at the top of our lungs.  Several of the songs made us laugh or made us cry, but they all reminded us of better times spent with him.  It's amazing how music can evoke such emotion and bring up certain memories.

Pictures- to create the slide show we had family members and friends send us pictures of my dad at various stages of his life.  Some of the pictures I had never seen!  It was so wonderful to see my father as a young boy, then as a teenager, and to share all of the stories that came with each photo.  We sorted through pictures for two days and narrowed it down to almost 100 pictures that will be included in his slide show.  With the cancer being our focus of our lives for the last 10 months, it's sometimes difficult to remember what my dad looked like before shedding his hair and almost 100 pounds.  These pictures have been a welcome reminder of who he was for the majority of my life.

My dad's Senior picture

Distractions- The weather here in Nashville has been absolutely beautiful lately.  I cannot imagine having to mourn while being stuck inside on a cloudy, rainy day so I am so thankful that we have had sunny, 80+ degree days to distract us.  We have gotten out of the house and taken several day trips to try and get our minds off of things.  Thank goodness Nashville is entrenched with so much history and offers so much to see and do!  Although every place we have been to reminds us, it is nice to get out of the house and focus on something other than funeral planning for a few hours.

The Hermitage

 On Thursday, Tim and I drove down to Franklin and visited the Carter House.  This house was the center of the Battle of Franklin and still has evidence of over 1,000 bullet holes from the fight that took place right in their front yard.  We continued the historical house touring on Friday with my mom and Bonnie by visiting the Hermitage which was Andrew Jackson's plantation.  The grounds there are so beautiful with peaceful gardens and spacious lawns and it gave us a chance to sit in the grass for a bit under the shade of a tree and talk about my dad.  

Natchez Trace Pkwy Bridge

Yesterday we took off down the Natchez Trace Parkway (so beautiful with all the fall colors) and took advantage of the 85-mile garage sale that was being held.  It's amazing what other people will try to sell- old glass coke bottles, bibs that hadn't been washed, half empty perfume bottles, and even some old, rusted hub caps.  Needless to say, we walked away empty-handed...unless you count the lemonade that we bought from the little guys that had set up a stand.  We drove about 1/4 of the way down the 85 mile loop and made a pit-stop at Puckett's grocery store on our way home.  Puckett's is a Tennessee landmark located in Lieper's Fork; a small grocery store that doubles as a restaurant and live music venue.  From the honor-system check out (just pick out what you want, eat it, and then tell them what you had when you leave), to the fried bologna sandwiches that my grandfather loves so much, to the live country music, it really evokes a small town feel when you step inside the store.

We are very much looking forward to having all of our loved ones here on next week to celebrate his life but until then, we have made a goal to do one fun thing each day to get out and focus on other things.  As my mom says, we have fought cancer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last 10 months and we're looking forward to not letting it, or the outcome of it, take over our lives any more.