When the show Dawson's Creek began, I was in high school. We didn't have cell phones yet, we had to *69 people to see who had called us, and my family was so excited to get call waiting at our house so my hours on the phone wouldn't block others from calling in! Rather than texting at school, we would pass intricately folded notes to one another with details for the weekend, gossip from class, and a little acronym BFF signed at the bottom. Best Friends Forever. Those were the days. When you truly believed that you and your "Bestie" would stay close forever. (Just like you thought you'd still be with that guy you were dating senior year!) But friends change, people grow apart, and lives move on. As time passes and life evolves, so do the people in it.
I believe that people are brought into our lives to serve purposes...there's the friend that mentors you through your first job, the drinking buddy to serve as a wingman every night at the bars, your neighbor who trades days watching the kids, the life-long girlfriend who sits with you and cries while your heart is breaking, the girl who knows all the new fashions to help you pick out an outfit and shop-til-you-drop, the friend you go to all your sporting events with, the partner you started your business with, the lady who runs your book club or bible study...the list goes on and on. Each of these friends is brought to us because, at that time or sometime down the road, we will need them or they, us. Although the reason is not always clear, they are purposeful relationships, and like anything with purpose, they are useful... until they're not. Once a friendship has served its purpose, it is natural for lives to move along down different paths. Not to say those people will always completely exit your life, but they will definitely take a giant leap back from their leading role.
Throughout my childhood, we moved several times. Not just from house to house but, most of the time, we trekked across the entire country and back again as job after job called my dad to a different sideline. (Ahh...the life of a football child.) At that young age, friendships are built out of convenience, if nothing more. We become friends with others that are located within walking distance of our house for play dates, those who are children of our parents' friends, or, as we grow into school age, those that are in our class. I have no friendships to this day that lasted throughout the years from this stage of my life. I would bet that not many of us do. Before the age of Facebook and cell phones, once we moved on to a new state, so did our relationships.
When my dad passed away, I remember my family realizing very quickly the futility of some friendships. People we had shared laughs with throughout the years suddenly dropped off the map or did little to try and help during our darkest days. At the time, coupled with all the other emotions we were feeling, we became hurt, confused, even angry. With the blessing of hindsight, I now understand that during tough times some people just don't know HOW to handle it or WHAT to say. So, instead they often say and do nothing. As I get older (and wiser), I am beginning to realize that I care less about having friends in my life that will always rejoice with me, but prefer to surround myself with people that I know I can also count on in my hour of need. Life is tough. While there are friendships of varying degrees and purposes, I cherish those in my life that know what to say, what to do, and when it's time for no words at all. Those are true friends. Eventually, my family started focusing not on the friendships that were lost, but those that were gained from our experience. In our hour of need, we developed stronger bonds with people who had been in the background all along, and we nurtured new relationships with people brought to us by circumstance.
We all move into different phases of life- and with it, friendships ebb and flow. Some fall by the wayside to return again in the future, some strengthen, new ones develop, and others sever completely. They won't always be the same and nor should they be. Friendships that are lasting are the ones that easily, and sometimes naturally, adapt to all the changes life brings us- babies, marriages, divorces, deaths, moves, jobs and interests. It is those friendships that can withstand the test of time. I have only a handful of true friends but, knowing that I have people surrounding me now that I can count on for some good belly laughs and a good, cleaning cry, makes me feel beyond blessed.
